Pleasure toys

I tend to be so damn serious sometimes that when I observe myself I can only think “boooring”. Do I really feel my life is only a tour of duty? So much that it literally presses my head and shoulders down? Thankfully not all the time but often I need someone else to make me aware that it’s time to loosen up a little. Like today when I got a present.

I didn’t expect one and the image on the rectangular box didn’t give much away. A bit suspicious I opened the box in the meanwhile informed by the kind giver that there were already 4 batteries in the thing. “4 batteries?!” was all I could think. The giver went on with more enthusiasm, probably reading my expression, and explained how handy it would be and the fun she had from using hers. “With a thing that uses 4 batteries for a job that requires no effort when you’d do it manually?” my thoughts went on. She also brought a nicely smelling refill and I didn’t want to spoil her surprise totally so I filled the thing after we finally managed to open it. “Now I am supposed to use this because she’ll notice when I don’t. It has to be on display forever”, I thought depressed. She warned me that I’ll have to be careful though because sometimes the thing starts accidentally, spilling its liquid unwanted. “Great, so I’ll have to dab the liquid whole day long”, my nagging conscious thought. After all, in this life we are supposed to save energy, to save the environment and to save ourselves from unnecessary stress.

But, I’ve already used it a couple of times now in the few hours I own it and like all new toys it was fun using it. Even witnessing how it spilled its fluid accidentally felt like a challenge of how to prevent that as much as I can. And how funny would it be when my kids and guests will discover my new toy. Why did my mind not come up with that kind of thoughts right then when I got it? Well, at last I proudly present my automatic soap dispenser, a present from my mom. 

Bubbling

It has been a while. A very busy time and I still have loads of work to do. Not only study and job related things but many things in and around the house also, the latter I save mainly for the weekends. At least I try that. There were many months that I didn’t feel like writing here, simply because my business was booming, almost over the top. Now with most of the job done and the end of term nearing there’s room for other matters. Like the backyard. Just in time for the Summer.  

I had a vision of a porch-like attachment to my house. That side of the house faces the sun. It would also be handy when I would finally find the will power to smoke my cigarettes outdoors. But the sun blind hangs in the way. Therefore I changed the original idea for an attachment to the shed at the end of the backyard. Funny how words have an ability to mislead you. The end of the backyard. Bet you imagine a whole lot of space outside my house. Backyard sounds huge to me anyway, but garden seems neither appropriate. It is nice though, and when it’s done, the porch-thing has to be covered in Wisteria. I’ve already bought two white ones and a blue one. I will also plant honeysuckle and lavender because I love the smell of flowers. I imagine myself sitting there after dinner until dusk turns in to the night. The warm glow of a wood fire in the patio heater.  Reminiscing about the past year and everything that happened.

So many thoughts in my head ready to spill out but I’ll try to spice them up with what I’ve learned from Psychology and mold them neatly into little stories. Until then I leave them bubbling inside me. I’ll be back soon. 

Day 40 of 40 Bed of Roses

Today I’m officially living in the new house. I’ve slept okay in my new bedroom, although I probably would have slept okay anywhere with how tired I was. It was a short night after going to bed around 3:00 AM and getting up by 8:30 because we had to return the big van and filled it up with diesel beforehand. My brother sacrificed another day of his well earned weekend with helping with all kinds of heavy things and so did my kids and mom. I love them all for doing this. They all too have their busy week day’s schedule and still move mountains to help me build a new home and close the old one.

I went to the old house with my son and my brother  to remove the last bits. Including bicycles, several lamps I wanted to take with me and the downstairs laminate flooring, which need to go to the dump plus digging up the 5 rose bushes and a small tree I want to replant in this garden. After hours of heavy downpour for a couple of days the earth in the backyard was very swampy, which made the job all the heavier. While the men were bringing away the first load away with the van I stayed in the old house and realized that it was okay to leave it.

When they returned they told me the two middle girls were laying laminate in the fourth room. And my mom and youngest were doing some more cleaning. My son grumbled to me that I would be better off with buying new roses, he was having a severe headache, but he did it nevertheless. After a lot of digging and pulling by the three of us we had all the plants ready to be transported. The only thing left was a whole lot of laminate and under flooring. We’d decided to load that in the van after that ride so I can go to the dump tomorrow, together with my youngest.  She and I loaded the van and after returning home to the new house where my mom had prepared a lovely dinner  the girls just finished the flooring. Then everyone was hit by exhaustion. My mom and my brother left and I brought the kids back to their respective homes. On my way to their homes it was raining again and I had trouble to keep the car on my side of the road. Halfway I decided it would be better to let my youngest drive the car, she was the only one of us who said she was still full of energy.

The roses were the straw that broke the camel’s back. Besides roses do have thorns and except for their petals I can imagine more comfortable beds. However, I will start nursing them tomorrow after coming home from handing in the keys and going to the dump. With a little bit of fertilizer and luck, they will bloom again coming Spring. We will bloom again much sooner  when we will celebrate the succeeding of this project with more good food and watching a movie on the new extra large couch.

Day 39 of 40 Almost there

Again it was a very busy and long day. At 10 AM I could pick up the big van I rented and from then on we loaded both cars drove to the new house, unloaded them and repeated that a couple of times. In between those rides we did a lot of shoving with the furniture until everything was in its right place or temporarily not too much in the way. Many things needs to go either in the hallway or upstairs in time when all the rooms will be done. And of course there are many boxes that still need to be unpacked. Some of us were cleaning and others filled up the central heating or connected the gas to the stove and prepared lunch for everyone.

Later this night Michael brought my mom and his girlfriend home with the smaller van and I went one more time to the old house by myself to pack some kitchen utensils and other things that were still there and loaded the big van again. Samantha was painting the woodwork of the living room and Kimberley was doing her homework. When all the kids were home again they called me on my cell to ask if I would stay away much longer, because it was past midnight again and they were tired. I was pretty exhausted too so I called it a day for packing stuff.

Now the kids are all sleeping and I’m typing this in a quiet house while the rain is pouring down outside. It’s a weird feeling, like being in a vacation home but surrounded by much more personal stuff than I would ever take with me on vacation of course. However, it does feel okay. I’m proud of the work we’ve done and tomorrow after unloading the big van and returning it by 10 AM we will work some more in removing things in the old house. That is my number one priority at the moment to make sure to move all the things that needed to be moved. Including the five roses from the backyard. The kids are looking forward to lay laminate in the office room and continue making it beautiful here. I will make time for that too after closing the old house. For now I am thankful for the wonderful people who helped coming this far and also feeling rather knackered, but that will pass by. 

Day 38 of 40 That Never Ever Again Kinda Feeling

The responses on my yesterday’s blog were sweet and encouraging again. Not only yesterday but mostly. Honestly, I don’t feel down-hearted about the project of moving houses despite some tears now and then, however it’s heartening to receive so much empathy. In fact the challenging aspect of the whole thing is also positively exciting. I mean, planning, executing and making ad hoc decisions is something I’m apparently doing pretty okay. Although, there still remains an aspect in it that makes me want to do it my way and perhaps that’s why it took me 40 days. The fact is that letting go of my first own home, however rented it was the first in my name solely, means much to me. This house sheltered me for 8 years and 8 months and the idea that I’m not allowed to go in it anymore after handing in the keys Monday morning, that’s what made me a little tearful. And still does when I’m taking time to think about it. I’m sure that there will be some more tears before I drive off there for the last time.

Okay, I’m not the gypsy kind of type I used to think I was. And probably I’m sentimental. However, no matter how many memories you can carry with you in your life, for me it’s the real touchable thing what I fear to miss. Like when my dad died. I can think of him as much as I want but I can never ever talk with him again anymore.  

There are many wise things said about feelings like this. All meant to be helpful with coping with the more difficult parts of life. I want to add something helpful to it: Recognize, acknowledge and accept what you feel so it won’t take you by surprise unexpectedly. Never again is a very long time after all.  

Day 37 of 40 The Last Mile (is the longest one)

Yesterday the man who’s young Labrador I may borrow if there’s a client with dogs anxiety, asked me if I could watch the dog this weekend. Unfortunately that’s impossible, a next time it will be great but now it would be madness. Lately I am thinking more and more about a new dog but to borrow one once in a while will be much wiser at the moment.

I removed the curtains of the living room in the old house last night. This day I’ve spent painting the walls in the new house’s living room white. And when I came “home” at the end of the day, it suddenly didn’t feel like home anymore, in the old house. The colors were too much and the windows too naked.  In the meanwhile, the new house doesn’t give me the comforting feeling of coming home. This made me wonder, but I’m almost sure I did experience that different eight years ago. It was very different then.

Anyway, this morning when I drove there the song of Little Talks from Of Monsters and Men blaring of the radio touched me more than ever and before I could stop them the tears were streaming down my cheeks. Can’t help it but today I feel homeless. A little like Remi from Nobody’s Boy by Hector Malot. I don't like walking around this old and empty house. So hold my hand, I'll walk with you, my dear.   

Day 36 of 40 Networking

Great, I’ve got a working internet connection in the new house since this afternoon. Which means that the one in the old house is disconnected but that is where my computer still is. Slightly more inconvenient is that the landline doesn’t want to work  and the guy needs therefore to come back tomorrow. He will fix it I’m sure.

Apparently I had missed a few calls on my cellphone this morning and as soon as the guy had arrived I took a break from what I was doing and decided to call them back. At the same time I was doing so, I heard the guy’s phone ringing in the hallway where he was working, that typical Nokia tune. The one I was calling answered and it occurred to me that he was from the same company as the guy in my hallway. It took me a couple of seconds to realize it was him I was calling...

After a couple of hours when he still couldn’t bring the landline to life, he said he gave up  trying and I suggested I’d borrow a phone from a friend that afternoon to try if it was due to the phone or the line. He asked me if I could let him know how that went because if it was the line he needed to come back. You’ve already got my number, he said. That’s true because he’d called me, and I called him, his number was automatically stored in my cell phone. I agreed and decided to link that number to his name. Lately I’ve got funny new contacts, for example Joe the  Plumber , Jesse the Carpenter or Jim the Upholsterer, because I only know their first names and what they do. But in times of moving houses it can come in  handy to know a craftsman who works good.