Attachment

Last September when I was doing my grocery shopping I noticed a woman carrying her baby wrapped up in a colorful African cloth on her back. The baby was very relaxed and the mom (Melissa as I learned then) had both her hands free for the shopping chart and her toddler. I admired both the baby and the convenient cloth and Melissa told me that it is a traditional way to carry your baby in such carriers in her homeland Zimbabwe, Africa. She was very proud to tell that she produces those carriers and sells them through her own business: a combination of Bereka (Zimbabwean for carrier) and Draagdoek (Dutch for carrier), (facebook: www.facebook.com/bereka.draagdoek,  her website: www.berekadraagdoek.nl).  She was so enthusiastic about the product and the business that I almost regretted not having more babies. It was the kind of talk to a person you do not know that gives you a contented feeling, if you know what I mean. I felt inspired. After that we became Facebook friends and I like her frequent updates with pictures in beautiful colors.

While I was reading in the last couple of weeks about disorders from the psychopathology, diagnostic and treatment course, I discovered a striking similarity in personality disorders, depression and anxiety disorders. In one way or the other, in all three textbooks a disturbed attachment in early childhood was subject of the possible causes of sensitivity for these disorders. No, this is not about blaming the mom, which was a trend for severe disorders in earlier years. It requires a quick overview of what is theorized about attachment before I continue. Bowlby (1958) is well known for his attachment theory. This theory is that an infant needs to develop a relationship with at least one primary caregiver for social and emotional development. Infants become attached to adults who are sensitive and responsive in social interactions with them, and who remain as consistent caregivers and are in close proximity of them for some period of time. When the infant begins to crawl and walk they begin to use attachment figures (familiar people) as a secure base to explore from and return to. Parental responses lead to the development of patterns of attachment; these, in turn, lead to internal working models which will guide the individual's perceptions, emotions, thoughts and expectations in later relationships.

Close proximity means real close, as in skin-to-skin or fur-to-fur, as another well known researcher in developmental psychology, Harlow, proofed with his research on baby rhesus monkeys. Those babies were more likely to prefer a soft surrogate mother to find comfort above an iron surrogate mother machine that provided milk. When the monkeys were placed in an unfamiliar room with their soft surrogate, they clung to it until they felt secure enough to explore. Once they began to explore, they occasionally returned to the soft mother for comfort. Monkeys placed in an unfamiliar room without their  mothers acted very differently. They froze in fear and cried, crouched down, or sucked their thumbs. Some even ran from object to object, apparently searching for the soft mother, as they cried and screamed. Monkeys placed in this situation with their iron mothers exhibited the same behavior as the monkeys with no mother.

Civilization in Western countries dictated a rather harsh rule until the 60s: when babies were crying it was no good to pick them up instantly. That would make the child spoiled and demanding. Crying for one or more hours was considered to be good for babies’ lungs until it was time to feed them. More ‘primitive’ cultures like Native Americans, African and Asian knew better, they carry their babies in a carrier attached to their own bodies. 

Children who are safely attached feel free to explore their environment. I must have done something right as part of secure attachment of my children although I do not feel always that comfortable to let them trot the globe. Yesterday my second child, Tabitha took off for a 6-week backpack trip to Ghana, West Africa with a friend. After returning in 2009 from being an au-pair for a year in the States, where she traveled a lot in her free time, she made trips to Uganda, Hungary, Poland, Spain, Turkey, Morocco and France. She did some pretty uncommon things (in my opinion) like rafting on the river Nile, rowing on the river Donau and she and her friend took part in the annual tomato throwing festival (Tomatina) in Spain. Oh, and not to forget riding a tandem bike in New York City with another au-pair, especially when rain was pouring down while they cycled in Harlem and they took that huge bike with them in the subway. When she was a toddler she used to love climbing on my lap which I loved very much too but always  after a few seconds she was ready to jump off again to do something else. Now that I mention it, I suddenly realize how different all could have turned out when I had had a Bereka at that time. I would still have her (and her siblings) wrapped upped against me, I am afraid. That would have restricted both our explorations, I can see that, only it feels so good to have them near me. But as in secured attachment they will return to their secure base, that is what I keep in mind when I let them fly on their own.