Day 40 of 40 Bed of Roses

Today I’m officially living in the new house. I’ve slept okay in my new bedroom, although I probably would have slept okay anywhere with how tired I was. It was a short night after going to bed around 3:00 AM and getting up by 8:30 because we had to return the big van and filled it up with diesel beforehand. My brother sacrificed another day of his well earned weekend with helping with all kinds of heavy things and so did my kids and mom. I love them all for doing this. They all too have their busy week day’s schedule and still move mountains to help me build a new home and close the old one.

I went to the old house with my son and my brother  to remove the last bits. Including bicycles, several lamps I wanted to take with me and the downstairs laminate flooring, which need to go to the dump plus digging up the 5 rose bushes and a small tree I want to replant in this garden. After hours of heavy downpour for a couple of days the earth in the backyard was very swampy, which made the job all the heavier. While the men were bringing away the first load away with the van I stayed in the old house and realized that it was okay to leave it.

When they returned they told me the two middle girls were laying laminate in the fourth room. And my mom and youngest were doing some more cleaning. My son grumbled to me that I would be better off with buying new roses, he was having a severe headache, but he did it nevertheless. After a lot of digging and pulling by the three of us we had all the plants ready to be transported. The only thing left was a whole lot of laminate and under flooring. We’d decided to load that in the van after that ride so I can go to the dump tomorrow, together with my youngest.  She and I loaded the van and after returning home to the new house where my mom had prepared a lovely dinner  the girls just finished the flooring. Then everyone was hit by exhaustion. My mom and my brother left and I brought the kids back to their respective homes. On my way to their homes it was raining again and I had trouble to keep the car on my side of the road. Halfway I decided it would be better to let my youngest drive the car, she was the only one of us who said she was still full of energy.

The roses were the straw that broke the camel’s back. Besides roses do have thorns and except for their petals I can imagine more comfortable beds. However, I will start nursing them tomorrow after coming home from handing in the keys and going to the dump. With a little bit of fertilizer and luck, they will bloom again coming Spring. We will bloom again much sooner  when we will celebrate the succeeding of this project with more good food and watching a movie on the new extra large couch.

Day 39 of 40 Almost there

Again it was a very busy and long day. At 10 AM I could pick up the big van I rented and from then on we loaded both cars drove to the new house, unloaded them and repeated that a couple of times. In between those rides we did a lot of shoving with the furniture until everything was in its right place or temporarily not too much in the way. Many things needs to go either in the hallway or upstairs in time when all the rooms will be done. And of course there are many boxes that still need to be unpacked. Some of us were cleaning and others filled up the central heating or connected the gas to the stove and prepared lunch for everyone.

Later this night Michael brought my mom and his girlfriend home with the smaller van and I went one more time to the old house by myself to pack some kitchen utensils and other things that were still there and loaded the big van again. Samantha was painting the woodwork of the living room and Kimberley was doing her homework. When all the kids were home again they called me on my cell to ask if I would stay away much longer, because it was past midnight again and they were tired. I was pretty exhausted too so I called it a day for packing stuff.

Now the kids are all sleeping and I’m typing this in a quiet house while the rain is pouring down outside. It’s a weird feeling, like being in a vacation home but surrounded by much more personal stuff than I would ever take with me on vacation of course. However, it does feel okay. I’m proud of the work we’ve done and tomorrow after unloading the big van and returning it by 10 AM we will work some more in removing things in the old house. That is my number one priority at the moment to make sure to move all the things that needed to be moved. Including the five roses from the backyard. The kids are looking forward to lay laminate in the office room and continue making it beautiful here. I will make time for that too after closing the old house. For now I am thankful for the wonderful people who helped coming this far and also feeling rather knackered, but that will pass by. 

Day 38 of 40 That Never Ever Again Kinda Feeling

The responses on my yesterday’s blog were sweet and encouraging again. Not only yesterday but mostly. Honestly, I don’t feel down-hearted about the project of moving houses despite some tears now and then, however it’s heartening to receive so much empathy. In fact the challenging aspect of the whole thing is also positively exciting. I mean, planning, executing and making ad hoc decisions is something I’m apparently doing pretty okay. Although, there still remains an aspect in it that makes me want to do it my way and perhaps that’s why it took me 40 days. The fact is that letting go of my first own home, however rented it was the first in my name solely, means much to me. This house sheltered me for 8 years and 8 months and the idea that I’m not allowed to go in it anymore after handing in the keys Monday morning, that’s what made me a little tearful. And still does when I’m taking time to think about it. I’m sure that there will be some more tears before I drive off there for the last time.

Okay, I’m not the gypsy kind of type I used to think I was. And probably I’m sentimental. However, no matter how many memories you can carry with you in your life, for me it’s the real touchable thing what I fear to miss. Like when my dad died. I can think of him as much as I want but I can never ever talk with him again anymore.  

There are many wise things said about feelings like this. All meant to be helpful with coping with the more difficult parts of life. I want to add something helpful to it: Recognize, acknowledge and accept what you feel so it won’t take you by surprise unexpectedly. Never again is a very long time after all.  

Day 37 of 40 The Last Mile (is the longest one)

Yesterday the man who’s young Labrador I may borrow if there’s a client with dogs anxiety, asked me if I could watch the dog this weekend. Unfortunately that’s impossible, a next time it will be great but now it would be madness. Lately I am thinking more and more about a new dog but to borrow one once in a while will be much wiser at the moment.

I removed the curtains of the living room in the old house last night. This day I’ve spent painting the walls in the new house’s living room white. And when I came “home” at the end of the day, it suddenly didn’t feel like home anymore, in the old house. The colors were too much and the windows too naked.  In the meanwhile, the new house doesn’t give me the comforting feeling of coming home. This made me wonder, but I’m almost sure I did experience that different eight years ago. It was very different then.

Anyway, this morning when I drove there the song of Little Talks from Of Monsters and Men blaring of the radio touched me more than ever and before I could stop them the tears were streaming down my cheeks. Can’t help it but today I feel homeless. A little like Remi from Nobody’s Boy by Hector Malot. I don't like walking around this old and empty house. So hold my hand, I'll walk with you, my dear.   

Day 36 of 40 Networking

Great, I’ve got a working internet connection in the new house since this afternoon. Which means that the one in the old house is disconnected but that is where my computer still is. Slightly more inconvenient is that the landline doesn’t want to work  and the guy needs therefore to come back tomorrow. He will fix it I’m sure.

Apparently I had missed a few calls on my cellphone this morning and as soon as the guy had arrived I took a break from what I was doing and decided to call them back. At the same time I was doing so, I heard the guy’s phone ringing in the hallway where he was working, that typical Nokia tune. The one I was calling answered and it occurred to me that he was from the same company as the guy in my hallway. It took me a couple of seconds to realize it was him I was calling...

After a couple of hours when he still couldn’t bring the landline to life, he said he gave up  trying and I suggested I’d borrow a phone from a friend that afternoon to try if it was due to the phone or the line. He asked me if I could let him know how that went because if it was the line he needed to come back. You’ve already got my number, he said. That’s true because he’d called me, and I called him, his number was automatically stored in my cell phone. I agreed and decided to link that number to his name. Lately I’ve got funny new contacts, for example Joe the  Plumber , Jesse the Carpenter or Jim the Upholsterer, because I only know their first names and what they do. But in times of moving houses it can come in  handy to know a craftsman who works good.

Day 35 of 40 Accelerating

Today I was round lunchtime in the new house. I ate my croissant in the sunny backyard and was introduced to another friendly neighbor. After working a couple of hours I ran some more errands in the DIY centre.  I had a microwave meal and then my youngest daughter accompanied me there to paint the walls in here new room. In the meanwhile I was cleaning up the living room floor because tomorrow morning the internet/telecom provider is coming to transfer my connection.

It was already round midnight when we stopped and before we could go we had to unload the van (with the innocent sign of its t-belt still on). Kimberley drove in her dad’s car, which is a nice and fast car and I followed her. The van is a diesel and accelerate slow but goes on steady when its wheels are rolling. The same as it is for me, I don’t accelerate easily but I can go on quite a while as soon as I’m rolling. I wish I could extend this project some more, I like what I’m doing now even though it’s tough. I want some more time in between working to sit back and admire the progress I made and make it even better than I already did. That’s how I grow my roots steadily into the ground there. But then, a deadline also means I do accelerate because I simply have to, that’s my fertilizer you know. 

Day 34 of 40 Timing Belt

Oh, oh, I was nearly at my mom’s house tonight for again a delicious meal when I saw that there was a sign in the dashboard lit up saying “t-belt”. Automatically I felt if the handbrakes were on, which wasn’t the case. I had not a clue what that meant. I was driving the van again which has three seats. So, while waiting for the next traffic lights I thought maybe it was about the seatbelt of the third seating where my very heavy handbag was sitting, next to me. Maybe the car thought that there was someone sitting next to me, I wondered, because my usually already heavy handbag is far more heavier nowadays with all kind of tools extra in it. I lifted the bag hopefully expecting the sign would fade out, but no such thing happened. The lights turned green before I could throw myself sideward to the compartment where the manual from the car should be. Then I was at my mom’s place and I turned off the ignition after having parked the van, thinking the sign would probably not lit up when I was going home again.

Satisfied from the meal I went home an hour or so later and the sign was on again. “What the heck”, I thought, “as long as it brings me back the 20 kilometers because there, at home I can look it up properly”. Indeed, looking it up on my computer learned me that it’s about the timing belt. I know very little of the technical aspects of cars but I am sensible enough to realize that it is an essential mechanic part of the engine. It’s name is also very striking because if the van will broke down I might be having a stressful weekend at the end of this week, when everything needs to be moved from the old to the new house.

First thing I have to do tomorrow morning is call the garage (again), hopefully they can squeeze me in their busy day…

Day 33 of 40 Top Down

In psychology, for example when mentioning the direction of ‘traffic’ in nerves there are two expressions which are often used in other fields as well. One is bottom-up and the other is top-down. This is especially used in attention and other ways of information processing. When one is actively focusing on something it’s called top-down and for example a startle response is bottom-up.  

In our moving houses project we appear to work top-down as well. Not only because we plan the things we’re doing but also because the upper floors in both houses are the most ready parts and downstairs is rather messy.

When talking about curtains, top-down means curtains from ceiling to floor. And that’s what we ordered for Kim’s bedroom. That room has a beautiful laminate flooring now, laid by Michael and Kim today. The second bedroom that’s almost ready and makes it more and more our new house.

Top-down is also how Tabitha and Samantha worked today regarding our two rabbits. In transition management there are two strategies. Top-down there means that the leader(s) decide that something has to change and the subordinates follow that change. Contrary to bottom-up where the feelings from the subordinates are the base for changes. And as the rabbits didn’t have any vote in moving their houses today, they were only lucky that it was done with such expertise, consideration and girl power.

Great that I managed to mix psychology with what’s up here at the moment in my writing, after all it would be too boring to talk again about plastering, isn’t it?

Day 32 of 40 Float On

Pisces and my name is Tabitha. When the stair doesn’t reach high enough, extend it with a (semi) floating stepladder. The sky is the limit. I like a man who feels the same. And if you fit that description, baby, come with me.

Aquarius and my name is Debby. I like to float in a big swimming pool at the moment. And I like a man who floats next to me, or better still hold me in his arms. And if you fit that description
This is for you especially. 

Day 31 of 40 Cool Colors

     Often houses here do have a system that combines central heating and hot water for the taps. In the new house we temporary turned that system down because we are working at replacing some of the radiators. Although it’s rather chilly outside now we don’t miss the heating because all we do is physical work there. But as soon as you sit down for a break you can feel the cold. Therefore it was pleasant that the sun managed to shine between the showers just when I was taking a break.

My daughter has already picked the colors she want in her room and this night she was enthusiastically showing me how great everything matched together. Her friends made a group whatsapp called the painting team and apparently her room will be ready after this weekend with their help.

I decided to go for white walls for a while for the rest of the house until I know what colors I want where. I love colors which is visible in the old house. I think I’ve mentioned it before but I was afraid that I had to repaint the walls in the old house as well because white walls would make a better selling point for the estate agent. I dreaded that because every color accompanied a memory about when I put that on. And I want it to be my house until the moment that I have to hand in the keys.

Today I had the inspection and everything I feared turned out to be unnecessary. It was a friendly guy the estate agent and I have the prospect of getting the guarantee amount back, like I want of course. Now I can put all my effort on working in the new house and cool down this house further until only its true colors are left.  

Day 30 of 40 Pride and Prejudice

I tend to feel someone’s mood, even from quite a distance. At least that’s how I interpret it. Last week the washing machine repairman was here. I had seen him once years ago in the other house but couldn’t remember how he looked like. Obvious he was older, like we all are. But there was something else. I chatted a little with him while he was doing the job and when he was done he took a seat to write the invoice. And it took quite a while to write that because he told me his life story in between. He has been seriously ill and is so low of energy that he goes straight to bed after a day working. A sad story and I truly hope he has some good time left before it’s too late for him.

That same day another older man passed by, slowly walking behind his walker. I greeted him but didn’t recognize him until he teasingly asked what I did with “his” bench. Then I remembered it. One day I came into my kitchen and saw someone sitting on the bench which stood under the kitchen window. Because it was a little unusual I went to him and asked him if he was all right. He just needed a break from walking to the shops, he said. He reminded me of that too last week. And then he told me that he has handed in his driving license after having a stroke. When cheerfully saying goodbye after some more chatting he slowly walked on to his appointment with the physiotherapist.

That’s how I like it, when I feel strong enough I subconsciously encourage people to shovel some more on my shoulders. But when I say to someone that it is very heavy what I’m doing at the moment or that I worry about not being able to do my coming exams properly, all I do is struggling and postponing to write that to the coordinator of my course. It feels like failing that I can’t move houses and study like I should at the same time. Better I take the bull by the horns and write that damn e-mail.

Day 29 of 40 Gym

Which of the approximately 600 muscles in my body were more or less asleep and abruptly woken by my project? Many I think. Although after lifting so much lately they don’t ache anymore. And don’t forget the miles I’ve walked up and down the stairs this last weeks. This kind of exercising satisfies me. The progress is very visible and it simply needs to be done. It’s very different from working out in a gym, which I really don’t like.

When I heard people talking about how they’re looking forward to their work out in a gym or proudly announce that they have pushed themselves over the top there I used to think that I was lazy. Well, those days are over because I really am proud of myself. Thanks to enough variation in the moves I make and the fact that I won’t go beyond my limits I’m not turning into a bodybuilder (thank goodness, I’m still feminine enough to appreciate my female curves, even with the muffin around my waistband). From lifting to the wax-in wax-out kind of movement plastering requires and pushing and pulling things that needs to be replaced my arms, legs, back and abdominal muscles all work in turn.

So, all I need to get moving is a deadline and necessity to do so, that gives me the pleasure and perseverance. The same for cycling. Why should I cycle a spinning bike which doesn’t bring me out of the stale fitness room when I can breathe in fresh air outdoors on my own bike? Or dancing. Zumba is fun but dancing Salsa with an experienced dance partner at a great party is way more fun. For my fitness it’s a shame that this project is nearing its end soon. 

Day 28 of 40 My Mom’s Kitchen

My mom is a sweetheart. Last Sunday afternoon I texted her to ask if we could go to her to have dinner. She said yes, went to the grocery shop and made a lovely meal for the five of us. Today she prepared a delicious meal again, this time only for me. As soon as the man who had fixed the washing machine had left here I went to her. My stomach was grumbling and the smell of the food was mouthwatering when I got there. Very relaxing having dinner cooked and served! And after another cup of tea I went home again to do my tax form and finish the letter for the insurance company.

Today I first cleared the space upon the washing machine then I went to the recycle containers to bring 4 bags of used paper and plastic and I brought the microwave oven to the new house. It looked a little misplaced next to the drill I use to mix the plaster. After that I brought 5 huge blue bags filled with wallpaper to the sanitation centre and went to the garage for the valuation of the car damage. Then I called for borrowing the van again which I picked up after cycling to the shop where it’s parked. While I was waiting for the repairman I worked in the backyard of the old house, which is almost leveled.

Tomorrow there’s again a lot to do so I’m looking forward to what my mom’s cooking then. 

Day 27 of 40 Fix and Finish

There’s a lot that needs to be fixed. A bracket from a bra has got stuck in the washing machine accidentally. My neighbor today called because he accidentally hit my parked car while he was parking (honest man btw!). It were only a couple of scratches. We used to say that a car has been kissed when there is only some material damage. So you may interpret this as a tender goodbye kiss from the neighbor, that’ll make it a little funnier next to the many things that are going on.  

But what bothers me most is that I became so very impatience with my youngest daughter who’s got all kind of school activities in her freshmen’s year, that I brought her to her dad’s house last night. She probably helped me the most because she is living here, the other kids come over in the weekends mostly to help. Anyway, I think it’s for both of us better at the moment that she has a place where she can study and relax. Can’t help feeling guilty though.

It’s really a bit chaotic here now. Today there was an appointment with the carpenter for the door to the backyard of the new house. Tomorrow I’ll go plastering some more walls in the new house and at the end of the afternoon someone is coming to hopefully fix the washing machine here. I’ll have to write a letter to the insurance company about the car. I’m way behind with studying. It’s about time this crazy project has been finished. The name of the plastering material is ‘Fix and Finish’. It’s my mantra at the moment.

Day 26 of 40 Waterworks

Dutchies are renown for water management. No wonder because there is a lot of water here. The Delta Works protect us with various ingenious constructions like dams and sluices. Women resemble waterworks in a way, I think. In times when they build up pressure they retain water (in their bellies and in their joints for example). As soon as the water reaches a certain level the sluices open, noticeable as they have to pee a lot more than usual. When the pressure keeps exceeding more levels, more sluices need to open (visible from tears streaming from their eyes).

Just kidding. Except for the streaming tears part. Can’t help it but the sluices seem to be stuck. I’ll let it go for now. At least it seems to help to remove the liquid of my swollen fingers. Moving houses within a time limit, even though 40 days seemed long enough, sucks. 

Day 25 of 40 Two Houses make Half a Home

This morning Mr. S rapidly transformed my present bedroom into a space where any sound echoes against concrete.  But then, in the new house, he magically turned ‘just a room’ into the basis of a comfortable bedroom with my black fluffy carpet looking like new and fitting perfectly. Meanwhile my brother and my son worked on the central heating system and my daughters removed more wallpaper (more than 10 very big plastic bags full already and still some pieces to do).

In the afternoon they picked up another load of things that needed to be moved. My son and his sister carried a big carpet to the attic and placed it there and put another part of old carpet in the van to protect the more vulnerable and delicate furniture that needs to be transported.

Part of my wardrobe is already there as well, which required careful consideration of what clothes I still need here, since the real moving is more than a week away. So far the things we moved were things we don’t need so often and other things like a broom, the vacuum cleaner and the stepladder for example are going to and fro the old and new house because we need them sometimes here and other times there. Nothing is missing yet and that feels good. I wouldn’t like it to have to go in my car for 15 minutes to match my clothes but I would feel very annoyed when I don’t even know in which house I have to search for it.

Anyway, ‘Home is where the Heart is’ and now I grow fonder of the new house, my hearts travels between both houses and so is my mind. 

Day 24 of 40 Plastered

After a very long day and working like a dog we went to the Italian at 8:30 PM where Marloes had booked a table for seven. I could barely lift my fork as a result of all the carrying and plastering we did but it was very nice to be there together. Both my bedrooms are ready for Mr. S tomorrow morning to remove my carpet and replace it in the new house. I will wait here and watch him work while the kids will sand the walls there one more time before we’ll arrive there an hour or so later.

We’ve decided to do it that way because I am too criticizing to stop sanding in time. I think that the walls could become smoother but realize that I don’t have time to be a perfectionist on that. Plus, I wouldn’t be able to lift my arm anymore when I would continue.

Anyway, it was good to have a break with all the kids in the restaurant. And to have them helping me. Did I tell you already how wonderful they are? I love them to bits. Am I sentimental? And no, I’m not drunk from the Italian wine, although exhaustion can have the same kind of effect on me. And with my hair still tangled from the sanding powder I can say that I am plastered though. 

Day 23 of 40 Size does Matter

I have two railings from the vertical blinds that need to be transported from the new house to someone who likes vertical blinds more than I do. I thought I could do that with the van but one of the railings was more than 3 meters long and we couldn’t fit it in. I have to find another way but in the meantime I am very happy with the borrowed van for all the other stuff I can transport with it.

This afternoon I was in the lab in the university, testing people. My fingers were still swollen from the heavy work yesterday and I decided to give my body some rest. I also rescheduled the appointment with the estate agent one week further so I could buy myself a bit more time to level the backyard and doing the other things. When I got home my dear friend had a big surprise for me. He waited for me and showed me that he did a lot of work in the backyard. It is almost leveled! And more, he did find someone who brings some more dirt tomorrow so that job will almost certainly be ticked off my list tomorrow.  When I hugged my friend to thank him I realized that men are better equipped for such heavy work than women.

This night I went only to the new house to measure the windows to see which blinds can be reused. And it turned out that everything I want to take with me will fit, although with some minor alterations.  

Day 22 of 40 Introspection

Next to many practicalities there are other aspects of moving houses. I wouldn’t be a psychologist when I won’t elaborate a bit on the psychological effects of this project on me. Moving houses is a job. Doing it next to other things makes it a rather stressful event, even when you want to do it. When you don’t want to but have to, it makes you reluctant (at least for a while). I didn’t want it at first because I felt comfortable in my old house. The house I found now is cheaper and slightly bigger.

Now I’ll save as much as the monthly college admission fee and that comes in handy this time.

After seeing and rejecting many houses, this house (the twelfth I was seeing) gave me the feeling that it would be worth all the work. I had my own silly reasons to take many things with me which I probably wouldn’t have done when I was loathed with money at the moment. Things I bought because I liked them and still like. However, it is easier said than done to move some things.

Another important thing to me about where to live depends on the neighborhood. The one I chose now feels good and the old one is slightly deteriorating lately. But it is possible that I used the latter as an argument to convince myself that I made the right choice.

Moving houses is a good exercise in going with the flow for me. And apparently the flow has some more challenging things in stall for me as I’ve got one new client this week and a parttime job in the lab of the university. 

Day 21 of 40 Meet me Halfway

Does halfway in time mean that the progress of work that needs to be done is 50%? Let’s check that with some facts.

Old House
Still needs to be done	Ready
Removing laminate flooring from:	Removed laminate flooring from:
-          Room in the attic	-          Study
-          Living room, kitchen +hallway downstairs	-          Hallway from the attic floor
Packing paraphernalia from:	Packed paraphernalia from:
-          Bathroom	-          Study
-          Hallway attic floor	-          Stairway walls
-          Hallway downstairs	-          Hallway first floor
-          Living room	-          Master bedroom
-          Kitchen	-          Upper attic (storage space)
Backyard:	Backyard:
-          Leveling the crater with the terraces	-          Removed and transported the trampoline
-          Dig up the roses	-          Moved the Aster, the Hydrangeas and various plants in pots
Various things that need to be repaired or replaced:
-          Big screw from banisters
-          Washing stand bathroom
New House
Wallpaper removal:	Wallpaper removed:
-          Two smallest bedrooms	-          Living room
-          Bigger bedroom (almost done)	-          Kitchen
-          Master bedroom (almost done)
-          Hallway downstairs	Removed:
-          Hallway upstairs	-          Vertical blinds downstairs
Plastering walls from:	-          Curtains and horizontal blinds upstairs
-          4 bedrooms	-          Moved 3 closets from first floor to attic (first disassemble and then after carrying them upstairs assemble them again)
-          Living room/kitchen
-          Stairway plus hallways	Moved:
Laying floors: -          Laminate in 3 bedrooms plus hallway upstairs -          Carpet in my bedroom	-          Winter clothes from old to new house -          Half the stuff from the upper attic from old to new house -          Pebbles from backyard old house to new house -          Moved terrace tiles from new house backyard to old house (to replace the pebblestone path in backyard)
Painting walls in the whole house but not necessarily all before moving the furniture
Hanging lamps, pictures and shelves

Almost 50-50. Probably I forgot something here but then I’ll remember it before falling asleep. Last night I dreamt that there has a huge pile of sand been delivered in the street here. My neighbors had ordered that. I remembered feeling confused about it because I already made a lot of effort to fill the crater.

Day 20 of 40 Side Effects

Do you remember when I wrote that I was so happy about the trailer I’d borrowed? That was the first weekend of this moving project. A trailer has a plug and my car has a socket to connect the lights to each other. Such a socket is underneath the car at the back end and I was happy that a big strong man helped me connecting the trailer. The trailer itself was easy peasy for him but he had some difficulty plugging in the plug. Apparently there was something wrong with the socket. I should have known that from the last time I’ve rented a trailer but I forgot it. Anyhow, he managed to do it at least although with some forcing. When I brought the thing back that Sunday night another man helped me to disconnect it. This man was pretty strong too, although not so Hulk shaped like the first but he had far more trouble to unplug the electrical part and eventually after some sweating and swearing his plug fell apart. But it was disconnected. I felt a little sorry for him and offered to pay for a new one but he didn’t want that.

A week after that the indicator and emergency lights of my car stopped working for a while. A short while later they did it again. Every now and then that happened, on and off, not convenient but neither a big problem I thought. Yesterday however, the car wouldn’t start. I asked the girls to give it a push because sometimes that helps to bring it back to life, with a hand-gear car. Not this time but after trying the ignition a couple more times it worked. Seeing as I don’t want to tempt fate I called the garage this morning and left my car home today. I can bring it in tomorrow. 
So, tonight we’re doing it with a borrowed minivan again. Me and the guy who was giving me advice of how to plaster the walls. It was a bumpy ride, I accidentally ignored a red light and when turning a corner I hit the curb. But we came home safe after we've stopped at the DIY market where he carried the big bags of plaster powder into the van for me. 

Day 19 of 40 Physical Passion

My horoscope for today told me:

“This influence arouses a strong attraction to and desire to be with someone. You will be much more aggressive than usual in going out and finding a partner. This influence is often a sign of physical passion. Under this influence a sexual relationship is very satisfying to both partners. Even without sex, you will be very happy with other people. You feel more vivacious and attractive than usual and may well be the life of the party. You will work hard to gain the approval of others during this time, so strong is your need for affection. Artistic activity is also indicated, for the general significance of this influence is self- expression through creativity and love.”

    Can you imagine me in my old baggy jeans and old boots? Yes, physical passion it is today. I am looking for a partner in the clay of the backyard, under the laminate floorboards in the study and in the trunk of my car. Didn’t find him though. I could do with someone to rub my tired shoulders tonight, definitely. And then curl up against him on my bare mattress  now the framework of the bed has been removed. To sleep for days. 

Day 18 of 40 Just a Perfect Day

We did a lot today and now it is very visible that we are moving houses. There’s still a lot that needs to be done but it’s the progress that counts. In the living room and the kitchen all the wallpaper has been stripped off. Upstairs two rooms are nearly done. Here in the old house the original washing stand needs to be replaced, I had stored that in the attic and my brother carried it down. Then he and my son gently removed the framework, doors and glass between kitchen and living room.  They didn’t even need a crowbar or a sledgehammer. It looks nice and even bigger than before.

At the end of the day when we returned home, my daughter prepared dinner and me and my other daughter removed some sand from the tiny front yard to the backyard  where still is a small crater left. After dinner I worked some more in the backyard until it was too dark to distinguish clay from frogs properly. I was not done yet. Last night in my bed I suddenly realized the appointment I made with the guy for the carpet next Saturday. That means that my wardrobe, bed and bedside tables needs to be out there by then. First I did the laundry to make a little space in the bathroom. Then I made a start with making the study empty. I need that room to store the things from my bedroom but first the laminate flooring there needs to be removed. And before that I need to disassemble the big corner desk there. But that’s something for tomorrow. 

Day 17 of 40 Sledgehammer

In all modesty I can say that I have quite some tools. I love tools. That must be my masculine part. Without good tools it’s impossible to do a DIY job good. However, some tools are not made for women. They are too big to fit in a female hand, are too heavy to lift, or what’s even worse, they are too aggressive. Like a drilling machine for example. Especially those heavy ones which can drill easily in concrete. We’ve had one which could also hammer, that’s useful when there are small pebbles in the concrete. Of course such a tool is extremely powerful and that’s just what scares me when I have to use it. I have nightmares from the idea of being catapulted by the drill when it’ll become stuck somehow. But, when you live in a country where concrete walls, floors and ceilings are very common you can’t avoid needing them for hanging a lamp, a picture or drilling a hole between two floors. Whenever I need one, I use to ask a male friend to operate the drill.

Another thing is demolishing. Removing tiles or plasterboard walls. That’s a job I enjoy very much. Not a job I do very often. So, I don’t own a sledgehammer. Neither do I have a crowbar. And I just realized that we’ll might need that tomorrow to remove the aluminum frame of the kitchen doors. I hope my brother has those tools and brings them with him tomorrow. Otherwise I will have to use my much smaller claw hammer. I realized another thing: the inspector didn’t call back to tell me what to do with the removed doors. That’s the problem with a rental house. Some things need to be brought back in the state you’ve accepted it. Although my brother and my son likely will do the job without needing me to help, I need some small controlled demolishing to satisfy my need to vent a little. The exam was hard today and I’m very doubtful about having passed it. 

Day 16 of 40 Torn

This morning the alarm went off for an hour or so. Thanks to the snooze button I delayed getting up until it was 8:15 AM. Then I finally could drag myself out of my bed put some clothes on and get myself a cup of tea. I had an appointment at 9:00 A.M. in the new house with two different men. One was from the housing agency, for the delayed inspection of the house and the other one was the locksmith to replace the locks. I could barely recognize my face in the rearview mirror of the car with such dark shadows under my eyes although I had slept sound and good. Because I snoozed that long I had no time to put some eyeliner and mascara on my eyes but I didn’t care, my bed was too tempting this morning.

Anyway, I arrived still ten minutes early and that was just enough to eat the sliced melon I brought with me. At 5 minutes past 9 I got a call from the inspector. Asking me if I was in the house. Of course I was, I thought he had been ringing the doorbell and that didn’t work. But no, he said that he was on his way, it would take him another 5 minutes to be there. That’s done it, this cost him some more points, I was in time there. So, I snapped to him that it was okay and hung up on him before he had said goodbye. It was not only because the early hour that I was acting grumpy, it was because I had been trying to talk to him or one of his colleagues for several times since the end of August. The secretary was very apologetic for him, she said that it was normal that he didn’t call me back or answered my e-mail because he was soooo busy. Because I mainly wanted to know about making a stair to the attic I had asked then if I could call him on his cell phone. She said: “Noooo, that is only for intern purposes. We cannot give his number, otherwise he would not have a life at all”. At that time I thought well, don’t make a fuss about it, I’ll wait and see. However, that didn’t leave him with very much credit as turned out when he eventually turned up 15 minutes later than the deal was. Of course I was torn because I had other things to do today, like preparing an exam.

My businesslike manner helped. He agreed to having fixed the dark stains on the ceiling of the bathroom. And the shower. And to remove the big bushes in the backyard. Not to my much wanted staircase. However, he gave me permission to have it done by myself. In the meantime the other guy had arrived. Also too late but he wasn’t blamed by me. That one changed the locks and pointed out that for the lock of the backdoor there needed something more being done because the lock didn’t fit well in the woodwork. It turned out handy that both men were there at the same time because mister-superintendant-with-hardly-a-life-next-to-his-work needed to give permission for that job. Mister locksmith said apologetically that he didn’t have time to fix that this day but I was only thankful for that. No more house matters today. I need to find my way in the brain and I feel pretty lost in that department. 

Day 15 of 40 Room with a View

Since my office is temporarily transformed into a storage room for everything that is already removed from either walls or floor and packed with cardboard boxes, you might think I don’t work at the moment. Well, that is not the case. Most time I don’t work in my office these days. I have also a small desk in my living room where my computer is stationed, pretty crowded now as well but still workable. And when I’m meeting my clients it’s often at other locations than my own place. Only intakes take place in my office anyway and for following sessions we mostly practice outside in elevators that are public or in the Kone building. That is for elevator anxiety.

Today I had a first appointment with someone for driving anxiety. She’d told me that she was in kind of a hurry otherwise I would have postponed it to mid October. Luckily I could use one of the offices in the building of the driving school.

One day I want to have an office like that. With different rooms for me and my colleagues and a virtual lab room with simulators. Of course that building would have its own elevator and a nice receptionist. And preferably a private parking lot because I’m done with paying € 8 to € 10 for parking at the University Hospital each time. But I’ll have to keep doing that for another couple of years I’m afraid. 

Day 14 of 40 Heart over Head

I was pretty much revived after a good night sleep and determined to push at least moving related matters aside until after my first exam on Friday. This morning we’ve had the third practicum about the Central Nervous System and I felt cool again about it. Even the two corpses on which the spine was dissected didn’t make me feel sick.

The chamber of commerce returned my papers today because the information they had from the town hall wasn’t  up to date yet. Now they require I show them the contract of the new rent. I will, after Friday. My two oldest kids promised to come and help again this weekend. There a two friends in Leiden with whom I've settled a date for catching up and a bite. I texted them if they wanted to combine the date next week with stripping some wallpaper. They agreed! My brother texted to ask if I wanted to show him the house tonight. Instead I asked him to come over Saturday to give my son a hand with removing the kitchen doors, which he agreed upon. I briefly wondered if he had read my yesterday’s update or that things just work well when you don’t worry…  

Anyway, these kind of things make me realize that the only thing I actually need to do is prioritize. And after Friday my priorities are again on enjoying the company of great people (and fixing the new house). For the moment my priority is trying to learn sixty-six salient structures of the CNS by heart! 

Day 13 of 40 Let me sleep on it

While I was being slightly nauseous and very sleepy at the second brain dissection practicum, Samantha was stripping wallpaper in the living room of the new house this afternoon. She gave me an update by phone and as Michael predicted there’s a lot to be done. We filled up 10 big plastic bags already.

The new house has a bit larger open plan kitchen than this house. Big enough for the dinner table and all the household devices next to the unit. Not big enough for an island unit but then I’ve got something left to wish for when I’ll move again. Next to removing the wallpaper there’s a double door and glass panel to be removed.

It is about time now to call my brother to help with removing the doors and to plan a date with the guy who’ll help with plastering the walls. But, I’ve got an exam to take coming Friday which keeps my mind rather occupied so I’ll postpone that a little. If I keep feeling so sleepy then there’s no chance of studying properly for the exam. And if I keep worrying about that I’ll even sleep less than I do now. There it is, the beginning of a vicious circle.

Day 12 of 40 Luna-tic

It is likely too much to bear for her, seeing her environment changing from a nice looking garden into a steppe like empty space with a mangrove in the middle. The mangrove is resulting from filling up the crater with branches and even whole plants with their roots. Or she has just a free spirit. Anyway, she was rattling her fences for long now and eventually succeeded to escape. I didn’t realize that the first time, because when I was in my neighbor’s backyard last week, collecting some material for the crater, he asked me if the rabbit had escaped. He pointed at some rabbit droppings in the grass. I said no, because I had just seen her in her hutch a second before I went there.  That following night I heard a lot of noise in the backyard and when I checked where that came from I couldn’t see her in her fenced space at first, but when I looked away I saw her. She was sitting there on the path. I yelled to my daughter to help me, she went just upstairs to go to bed. While she came downstairs I ran through the front door to go to the back garden, the idea was that we could close her in that way. Hm. When I entered the garden door my daughter was standing there, asking me what was wrong because the rabbit was in her hutch. Both rabbits were actually but only Luna is a troublemaker. I thought what the heck, am I seeing things? Is stress playing tricks with my mind?

But the morning after my daughter came to my bed saying that I had not imagined it, she escaped again. A relief. And she did catch the rabbit already. Shame. No, just kidding, but sometimes… Today we had another rabbit hunt. We were late out of bed because of the party last night and were having breakfast when my other daughter pointed to the backyard saying that the rabbit was out again. I couldn’t believe it, I tie-ripped the fence after the previous escape and eventually shut the doors of her hutch so she couldn’t go out of that at all. Only, I had overlooked a hole in the netting of the hutch. My son was the first to get dressed properly for the hunt and learned from another neighbor that the rabbit was hopping on the parking lot next to a couple of houses for hours. Now she was in my neighbor’s backyard again and he said he didn’t mind. I did because the last thing I was longing for was trying to catch the crazy rabbit, so I asked him if he liked rabbit for dinner and that he could have her. That probably scared her off, so in the end she returned rapidly to her hutch again. 

Day 11 of 40 Celebration Time

My youngest girl has had her 18th birthday today. So, only one time with the van full of stuff to the new house and then celebration time. That’s how it is supposed to be and that’s why (amongst other reasons) I took one and a half month to move. We had a great day today!

Day 10 of 40 Grey

I am not sure yet what colors to paint the walls of the new house with. A fashionable color is in a brownish shade of grey. It is a color that easily can be combined with other, brighter and more cheerful colors. But for now it is more important to prepare the walls to be painted eventually.

Today I had the first practicum of the brain dissecting lab. We were expected to be there at 1:15 sharp. That is because the room where this kind of anatomy classes take place is in a part of the hospital building that is not accessible without a pass. The neuroanatomy professor picked us up and when you would be too late there was no easy way to get there. I was a little anxious about this part of the course. I mean, we would be confronted with a human brain. When we arrived at the location we were divided over 4 tables. For each table was a brain and a student assistant who would dissect it for us. Each group consisted of 6 students. But first we had to scrub our hands carefully, to prevent the brain being infected by stuff we had on our hands like from our bread, they explained. After that we were given a green operation coat and gloves. From there we could peek into the room where all the metal tables were laid with scalpels and other instruments. The room was filled with the smell of formalin. After an introduction speech from the professor the student assistant introduced himself to us. We were lucky to have the only male assistant, and he was rather good looking too. Another assistant first brought the half skulls and prepared membranes. So far it was not so freaky as I feared. Then the brains were brought in. Neatly prepared and therefore not scary either. I began to relax because it was really interesting. At one point the assistant was removing some veins and when he had to dig deeper it was visibly not easy to do. Me with my big mouth asked him if it would be handy if one of us gave him a hand. He handed me the tweezers and there I was holding up (if I remembered it well) the optic nerve. I felt like I was participating in Grey’s Anatomy, and I said so. I also added that he was like Mc Dreamy. Then he asked if I could hold up the particular piece with my index finger, so he could use the tweezers. At that time I was completely in my role as a nurse so I did it until I felt cramp in my leg because of the unnatural position I had, then another student took it over from me. We’ve had a very interesting couple of hours there and it will be continued Monday and Tuesday. The only thing is that I still smell the formalin, although I scrubbed my hands when leaving the room and even a couple of times when I got home.

After I came home I picked up the minivan I borrowed for this weekend. Together with my son and youngest daughter we moved the first load tonight. Stuff from the shed and backyard. Slightly covered with dust and dirt I feel like the color grey has lost its appeal a bit. Maybe a little too much grey matter for one day. 

Day 9 of 40 I’ve got your Number

This is tricky. I know exactly what I want to say tonight, except not in English. It’s about my bedroom. The carpet of my bedroom to be specific. And about a guy. There’s the problem. The guy is a bloke who I’ve only met twice. He did this thing for me. With the carpet. That’s what made me confused because at first I thought of him as a carpenter. Carpet, carpenter. No so strange, is it? But then I realized that carpenters don’t work with carpets, in general they work with wood. I need one of those too by the way, someone who works with wood. To build me a stair to the attic in the new house. But that’s another story which has an open end at the moment. Not the attic, that has a shutter of course. With a foldable ladder. And that’s about the only thing I don’t like about the new house. I am not a ladder type.

I remember it now. The guy I am talking about is what you’d call a furnisher. Anyway a couple of years ago I bought this black fluffy carpet for my bedroom. I still love it. I think that is the best part of the bedroom, next to the bed that is. The guy worked for the company where I bought it. He did a great job, neatly and quick. The way my father used to work. My father used to be a furnisher too. And an electrician, a plumber, a builder, there were many other things in and around a house you could call him for. Back to my carpet. This was carpet which has to be laid without glue. The old fashioned way. Therefore it is removable. You’d need special tools to remove it though. That’s why I need this guy again. To remove it here and replace it in my new bedroom. Great that I still got his number. Even better that he did not switched from telecom company and got his self a new number. I’ve called him today and we fixed a date. Saturday September 29 that is. Another thing ticked off my to do list. 

Day 8 of 40 Six options

Today I’ve spent a couple of hours informing several companies and organizations which need to know my new address (so they can still sent me their bills). I informed most of them by making a phone call, others by sending an e-mail and a few (very modern ones) helped me via their digital front office.  The latter seems the most convenient, like for example the one of my hometown. When you cannot find what you are looking for, there’s someone to help you in a chat session. The digital front office of my bank seemed a little less cooperative because it pointed out that I should first inform the Chamber of Commerce. However, with opening another tab of my internet browser that turned out easy as well.

From the approximately fifteen phone calls I’ve made, there was only one organization that had their phone answered by a living human being instead of an automatic responding system. I can see the advantages of such systems, really. Imagine being an operator and having to say again and again the same thing to people who ask again and again the same kind of questions. But what I don’t like at all is when I have to pay for calling their number only to hear after an endless list of options that the waiting time is more than say 10 minutes, but that all the information is also on their website. As if I didn’t look up their website already. Or worse, when it’s my internet provider that I call because I have no connection to the internet. Anyhow, they are doing the best they can. That’s why 9 out of 10 operating systems inform you that for the purpose of investigating their customer’s satisfaction by interviewing you after you finished where you called for. Press 1 when you want to participate, and press 2 when you don’t want to participate. I’ve pressed a lot of 2’s today.

Most systems give you 6 options divided in either their products or services. Option 0 is often when you decide that none of the options says what you were looking for and that you need a human to help you further.

It kind of resembles the variety of websites we have here that try to help you out when you don’t know what party to vote for. There were elections today here in Holland. The (internet) programs guide you through several questions about important political issues. For example about euthanasia, soft drugs legalization, mortgage interest (deductable or not), etc. In the end the program gives you some graph or list with parties that represent the same kind of ideas. It would be more reliable if all the websites come up with the same advice for you, but that could also depend on your own mood when answering the questions. So, when you want to vote eventually and still don’t know which party to vote for, which is not unlikely when you think about the election campaigns, press 0 to talk personally to the political leader… 

Day 7 of 40 Dissecting

The general rule when moving from a rental house is that you remove everything that is not part of the house and repair what is necessary. When you won’t do it, there’s a good chance that the agency does not return your deposit (worth one month rent). But doing that while you still want to be able to find everything between and in the cardboard boxes means, again, careful planning.

Although I am not much of a planner, the idea of what has to be done is in my head. Today I did some little chores, like removing various things in my study. A magnet strip which was glued to the wall (meaning I have to repaint that part now), pictures from the walls and removing the screws. While working there  painstakingly, thus putting the different parts in small plastic bags and stick them on the object they belong to, I was thinking about the dissecting class we’ll have coming Friday. After many hours studying the brain in full colored textbooks it is time to move to the real work. There’s one huge difference of course: a dissected brain cannot be rebuild and my home hopefully can.

Day 6 of 40 Octave

Yesterday I got a friendly reminder in e-mail from the professor of the Machine Learning course about the programming assignment which was due today. So, I started late last night to work with the program (that’s called Octave by the way) and that was too late. The first exercise I submitted was good but the second one, about implementing code to plot data kept showing an empty window instead of a nice graph. Today I had another lecture about neuroanatomy and I decided to give the ML assignment another go after I came home. There are 58,000 people enrolled in this course (Worldwide) and the discussion forum was endless. Although I found some helpful treads in the forum, my trials were again not fruitful and then I realized that I have quite a lot going on at the moment. It is so much easier not to feel stressed when things are going smooth. That makes me feel strong.

However, I could not let go the assignment and was struggling against the deadline instead of going to the grocery shop and prepare dinner. Again and again I kept checking and changing the lines of code. I am just not a computer programmer yet, despite the little experience I have from working on my website. In the meanwhile my eldest and youngest daughter were removing the laminate floor in the attic AND did the grocery shopping AND prepared a delicious meal (again!).

When we drove together to the condolence reception later,  I declared to them with my voice still hoarse from the cold that I wouldn’t put all my cards on ML because that is just an octave too high at the moment.